Springtime usually brings the feelings we all associate with it: renewal, rebirth, growth, wanting to be outside taking part in all nature has to offer, wanting to clean out, start fresh and enjoy the longer days. So far this year, I have some of the feelings, but not a lot of motivation to back them up. The kids totally have Spring Fever.

Tate is letting things slide at school. I think because she has made A/B honor roll twice, she thinks she can rest on her laurels. But her grades are slipping and for the past two report cards, she has not made the honor and has disappointed herself. Honor roll is not something I am going to militantly push, but we know she can do it...and if she doesn't she shouldn't be too far off the mark. She has been lying about homework. I had tried to remedy this a few different ways, but we constantly ended up butting heads over it. So, I decided to give her enough rope to hang herself. And sure enough, she did. Her teacher called me, with her in the office and we discussed it. It's frustrating because it looks like I don't care. I totally do! It's just that since Tate spends almost all of her time with me alone, she doesn't believe I know anything about anything. She's at the stage where she knows it all. And after a while, my words don't even register, so I figured actions would provide a better result. The call was about a week ago. We are still struggling with it, I am having to double-check everything and keep in close contact with her teacher.

Things at home aren't great, but it's all the usual problems. I'm wiped out from having to take care of the kids about 85% of the time by myself. Money is tight. There seem to be some issues with the whole equal partnership thing. For me, it's simply not working. I'm not sure what the resolution is, but I've got to figure it out.

Since I am home alone with the kids most of the time, I'm wicked lonely. All of my friends either live far away, work 9-5's or have families of their own. I can't really get any "hang out" time.

My parents are having various maladies and that is upsetting. It's frustrating to watch them be in pain and not do a whole lot about it. With some things, there's not a lot to be done. With others, more could be done if they pursued it. I love them and want them to feel the best they can. It breaks my heart when they don't.

Work is slow, so I've been having spells where I question what I do for a living. Sure, I make people pretty...but what a superficial thing to be known for. People like my photography, but not enough to pay for it. And that's pretty much it except for the latest endeavor of sampling out cosmetics that are not readily available for testing. I am working on new things to offer to sample, but all of these things require a nest egg to get going.

Which brings me to my next thing, I blew my tax money. Breezed right through it, like a moron. Now I don't have much to take with me to London in April. And whatever "therapeutic" shopping I did didn't help much since I still feel like crap. I KNOW the things I SHOULD do, but I don't do them. It's my bad, for sure. As ungrateful as it sounds, I wish I could pass on the trip this year. It's never really a vacation, it's just my life here transplanted to London for two weeks. I can be lonely and frustrated here for free.

So if you haven't seen me around, I haven't called you back or replied to your email, this is why. I've slacked off on the beauty blog too, since I can't really bring myself to do more than wash my face or brush my hair lately. I can't set an example as a good beauty blogger if I cannot bring myself to actually do anything that involves the beauty products I need to test or review.

I love my Facebook friends dearly. There are so very many of you that I wished lived closer. I've got virtual friends who are emotionally closer to me than some people who live near me. It just seems that with my current frame of mind, some things are beyond the virtual reach of the interwebs. But don't give up on me yet, I'm figuring it out.

Guess what? He blogs and blogs!

Know what else? He tweets!

What could be better? You can buy stuff he makes!

So, what are you waiting for? Go!

Pig Mud Happy Smile

There is a song by the Beastie Boys that has a lyric that kills me every time I hear it.

The song is called Hey, Fuck You.  I know, it's charming.

The lyric is "So put a quarter in yo' ass 'cause you played yourself."

Classic.

 "Every morning, I've got a new chance.." - Britt Daniels

 My Mom makes great Southern fare.  Livermush and eggs.  Pintos and cornbread.  Nom.

My Babies

I was pregnant with Tate here. 2002