Toes are something we really take for granted. We wake up with ten little piggies, we go to bed with ten little piggies. Occasionally they can provide amusement when you pick something up off the floor with your feet. You can decorate them all silly at the nail salon. But what do you do when your little pig went to market and never returned? I don't know. But this is a reality my father is facing tomorrow morning.

If you don't know me so well, then you may not know that my dad has diabetes which has been treated off and on for quite a few years now. There have been varying degrees of seriousness when it comes to his condition. He went through spells where his eyesight was never quite right. Then he developed a wound, then later an ulcer on his big toe. This was about 3 years ago. He spent some time with a podiatrist, but without insurance, he couldn't keep it up for long. Then in November of 2009, he was in the hospital for a week seeking treatment for his toe.

Two weeks ago, my dad told my mom that his toe smelled. Then he told us not to worry, he figured out the source, which was a big pus ball. But he refused to admit it was infected. We all know what pus is right? White blood cells...trying to fight off infection! We tried to get him to go to the ER, but he had excuses against that. We tried to get him to set up an appointment with a doctor but he had excuses against that. Living life without health insurance does that to you.

In any event, his toe become so worrisome that he came to see a doctor he saw a couple of times after his last hospital stay. Fortunately, they set up an appointment for him to get into a wound care clinic today. While he was there and they were cleaning out the ulcer, a piece of bone came out. Yeah, I know...freaky.

And before he could get too far on the road back to his house, the clinic called my mom looking for him and explained it was urgent. My mom got ahold of him and told him to call. The next time she spoke to him, she asked what was up? He said, "They are going to amputate my toe." My father always likes to mess with your head so my mom didn't believe him at first. But no, I only wish it was a sick joke. Tomorrow, they are going to amputate his toe.

I suppose what's even more disturbing is that they are going to leave the wound open for a few days and see how the infection does. If it dwindles away, great. But if it lingers, something else is infected. Something else may have to go. My father has already said that he will not consent for anything else to be taken and that he refuses to be wheelchair bound. I'm upset that he would be so selfish and short-sighted...and while I understand his frustration(I felt suicidal when I was in the hospital in September), he has a family who loves him and needs him. My kids only have one granddad. And I don't want him taken away from them at such a young age, the way mine was. And the only thing that kept me going through my horrific hospital ordeal was my family. I did it for them...all of them. I cannot imagine life without my family, so it distresses me to see my dad speak so nonchalantly about leaving us all.

Even though there are some dents in the armor, he is still my super-hero. If he goes, who will I look to when I'm a damsel in distress and in need of her daddy? My time with him isn't up yet. We still have many Mel Brooks movies to watch and laugh at together. We still have so many things to see and do.

But I'm digressing...as for tomorrow...we will have to see what happens. Will he be able to walk? Yes. If it's just the toe, he can get an orthopedic shoe with a weighted prosthetic thing where his toe would be. This would help with his balance.
There's no reason why he couldn't go ahead and enjoy the rest of his years. I just really hope this doesn't completely break him. He was my first true love, but I think daddies are always that to their little girls.

Please keep us in your thoughts. I need positivity. I'm feeling pretty low and weak. Thank you.